a shy little heart

I've been thinking about my heart lately....

So Jarett is on his mission and we decided that I would be a dater while he was away if the opportunity came. And opportunities have come. I have gone on dates. Now a lot of people will say that I'm totally disrespecting him, but if that's what he wants me to do, I'll do it.

While I've been on these dates I have been really trying to open my heart. It's like my heart is hiding behind a little door and it starts to peek through like a shy little puppy. It's like are you my valley boy? No? Well...it's okay I know I won't be seeing him for 2 years so I guess I can come out and get to know someone new, but I'm going to be reserved and I hope you can be okay with that. Did you like that heart monologue I just had?

It is so hard to open your heart. It's hard to give it to someone new (if that's how it is supposed to be). It's hard to be so open, emotional, and comfortable with others. It's one of the hardest things I think. And when those opportunities come around and you give in, it's even harder. A relationship has to start and kick off. You have to get through the texting phase, hanging out phase, actually getting to know them phase, we can't kiss all the time phase...I guess you just have to be mature together and that is scary. Because you go through all that and then...it could all go away. You could break up...then you have to cry and eat a bunch of cookies and ice cream, and then your heart runs back behind the door and BOLTS it shut. It tucks itself away and it will take a lot of coaxing to get it back, because opening yourself up emotionally to someone to the point of loving them is hard to do. It's pure and sometimes rare and it can't be done as easily as it is to flip a light switch.

So I think that's all I want to say about that. I guess I just need to be patient with my heart and trust life and love a little bit more. Trust that things will be okay and that my heart won't be so shy. That's all.