Oh Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Dear friends, Merry Christmas. The merriest. The thing is, I've tried to be merry all day. I am happy. I can't say I'm too sad, but there is a heaviness in my heart. And I think that comes with getting married in 4 days. I guess that comes with starting a new chapter in your life. Around the holidays too. I remember saying I would never get married during the holidays, but here I am. A 20 year old silly girl getting married in December, 3 days after Christmas. This heaviness is caused by anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of blame, feelings of worry, feelings of homesickness, feelings of never wanting to grow up...feelings of "it would be so much nicer if I could still wear white frilly socks and play with rag dolls under the old swamp cooler." Wouldn't that be nice? But friends, that is not how we progress in this life. Progression takes practice and practice comes from taking new steps. Like getting married during the Christmas season. So even though my cheeks are a little wet and I just want to cry myself to sleep and I don't want to bother anyone else with my feelings...I'm grateful for this time. I can do it. Even if I'm a little sad. Tomorrow is Christmas. How could anyone ever have a heavy heart on Christmas? Tis the Season. Christ lives.

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