Sunday, January 31, 2016

Me in an absolutely posed selfie that I legitmately thought would be something an insta-famous person would do. Sincerely was about to post this, until I realized how stupid I looked and how dumb my thought process for the whole thing actually was. This now lives on this blog and the selfies folder on my phone. May we never speak of it again.

Our home teachers invited us to dinner the other night, and I really like my home teachers, so of course I accepted the invitation with grace and hustled on over to their place to stuff my face with the most delicious baked and breaded pork chops with mashed potatoes and caesar salad on the side. During dinner, we started having a conversation about the pressures of social gatherings and social things in general. And with all conversations about social things, I feel like it all goes back to social media. So we talked about how much all of us hate social media. I work in social media, friends, I am social media. Well my job is social media anyway, but not the kind where you share those stupid and really fake articles or those "You won't believe what happened after this girl started singing" videos or even those "please feel sorry for me" or " my hubby/wifey is the sweetest most perfect person in the entire world" posts. We do the business and analytical side, and maybe every once in a while we get to create something totally cool and send it out for the world to see. I mean, we do share cool articles, and create awesome content so I should give myself some credit here.  Nevertheless, social media is more foe than friend to me sometimes.

Now, we all came to the conclusion that social media really is what you make it. I mean, you technically choose to feel bad when you see someone with their completely bleach white photos with perfect potted plants, perfect hair, teeth, husband, food and children that haven't even been born yet, but you just know they are going to be perfect because their instagram theme is on-effing-point. Yeah, you choose to feel bad about that stuff, but let's hashtag REAL talk for a second here.

We. Have. All. Felt. Bad. Or. Inadequate. Looking. At. Someone's. Social Media. Feed. (Periods added for emphasis and attention and annoyance.) We all have. And if you deny it, I promise you from the bottom of my cold, black heart that you are lying. I know you are. Because as much as we love social media and we love keeping in touch with those high school friends that we never talk to ever, we also secretly/not so secretly hate it. And might I add that we all secretly want a million likes and a million comments saying, "goals." So when we don't get them and we see all those insta-famous moms and singles on mountains and wavy-haired girls with those comments and likes, we all feel bad and feel a little bit of bitterness. Even if social media is what you make it, we all still feel bad.

My home teacher's wife is absolutely beautiful. She's totally adorable. She's one of those girls who just looks the best pregnant (she is pregnant) and she has pretty manicured nails and pretty hair and the best personality. And I want to be her friend and tell her funny jokes because she is one of those people that laughs at all jokes even if they are not funny because she wants you to know that you are funny. She really is the nicest human and it seems like she has nothing to feel self-conscious about, but she said to me during that dinner that every time she looks at pinterest or instagram she feels really overwhelmed. She feels like she doesn't and will probably never ever measure up. She gets overwhelmed because she feels like she needs to have the perfect house (with that on-point gallery wall), the perfect closet (with those valentino rockstuds), the perfect husband (with that man bun) and the perfect everything else (you know, kids dressed in outrageously overpriced clothing from companies with names like Finn&Olive, for example). And I am sad to say that I couldn't say that I didn't know how she felt. Oh how I wish we could all say that we didn't feel that way. She and I don't feel that way all the time. I mean, that would get really exhausting, but more than once a week we feel that way.

We feel like we don't measure up and we never will. But I know that's not true. And you should know that too. It's not true.

We can't stop those insta-famous or blog famous people from posting or being who they are. I'm sure a lot of them are great people and I'm sure they have a lot of crap that goes down in their lives. They just have extra validation from the internet. We don't need that validation. We really don't. And they don't need it either. (Don't get me wrong, those people we see all the time all over the internet aren't bad people, I promise I don't think they are bad people. I know a few positively lovely and wonderful internet famous girls that I am glad to call my friends. Please don't think I hate them. I don't.)

So we all came to a conclusion that night. We first decided that we are enough. We are more than our social media accounts.

I told her that she is beautiful and wonderful and enough. She doesn't need to be anything more for the internet. And we exchanged words of encouragement, but then she said that she wished there were people on the internet that were "real." Real is so relative sometimes. Like what defines real? I could say I'm real, but I also sometimes whiten my instagram photos and I sometimes take 50 selfies to get the right one and I even sometimes stage my photos and think long and hard about captions. DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT!

But I get what she's saying. We need people who are willing to admit that they feel the way I just described above some days more than others. We need people who are size 10's and 12's and above and still try to work out because they want to be healthy not necessarily because they NEED to lose weight. We need girls who are size 00 through 9 to talk about about how no one thinks their bodies are "real or normal" when they are. We need to start a healthy discussion about women building each other up. We need people who are completely open and unapologetic (but not Donald Trump unapologetic, in fact stay away you all trumpians). We need people who sometimes have a bad day and want to write about it. We need all kinds of people. We even need the insta/internet/blog-famous ones. We need each other.

And most importantly we need to remember that despite what is trending, or what is popular. or what boots you SHOULD be wearing from H&M because they are #goals...despite ALL of that...

We are enough.

We are.

So maybe I'll try to be one of those "real" people. That's what this blog was intended for anyway. Let's see how we do.

And even if I fail, I am enough. And so are you.


  1. This is the best. I love this. I love you. Recognizing the truth that you're enough no matter what is the best thing that anyone could ever know. I'm finding that it's hard to learn and accept and treat yourself like you're enough. It takes practice, but it's so worth it.

  2. I'm so glad #realtalk is coming back (remember when we almost bought the matching hats for our comentor group?)! Thank you for always being real, Dani. I feel like people have to be so willing to experience vulnerability to be able to share those aspects of our lives that aren't picture-perfect. There have been many photos I've chosen not to post because my arm/face/ears/you-name-it looked "fat" or "imperfect." WHO FLIPPING CARES if my arms don't look perfect! They are my arms and they help me to do wonderful things!

    I hope there will be a trend of more "real" blogs that show houses that don't require massive budgets, and that show what houses look like when people actually live in them.

    I know that everyone feels the pressure of social media-- I read an article lately from the LDS church about how to be happier, and one of the suggestions it gave was to spend less time on social media. I tried it, and it totally works. Social media can be toxic in large portions. I'm so glad we're realizing it now so we can spend more time being #real!! Thanks for the great read!


Proudly designed by Mlekoshi playground