Truth is...

I have been having some tough days lately. Tougher than usual. So tough that I feel physically ill and emotionally drained by the time my head hits the pillow. And the funny (and quite sad) thing is that it is because I do it to myself. I blame myself, I get tangled in my emotions and feelings of inadequacy. No one else is doing this to me. It's all my own doing and I think that is the most destructive thing in the world. To forget the light within us and see ourselves as worthless is one of the most poisonous things that humans can do to themselves...and to others.

So I feel like I hit a particular low last night. I won't go into details but let's say it ended with me receiving some of the most powerful words of comfort that I have ever heard. I'll quote them the best I can...

Dani, the trials and feelings you are having are not happening because you are a bad person. There is no correlation there. They are happening because something wonderful is about to happen. Some of the strongest and best people go through hard things because it will make them even stronger and BETTER in the long run. You are meant to do great things. Don't forget that. The clouds of Satan are going to disperse and the light of Christ will shine through. You will feel better.

Yeah, as you can imagine I bawled like a baby and I am not ashamed. Sometimes you need a very good cry. You need to cry hard and then you need to think. Think hard and long.  And while I was thinking, I wrote down some of the greatest feelings of happiness that I had that day. A day that seemed to be so terrible. So here are some of the feelings I included in this list...

No Greater Feeling

By Dani Ruiz 

1. There is no greater feeling than hearing the gurgly squeal of laughter that comes from a child when they are playing peek-a-boo. 

2. There is no greater feeling than hearing the most adorable children call you Auntie Dani. 

3. There is no greater feeling than trying to explain scriptures to them as they proceed to start jumping on the couch and dancing. There is no impatience, just pure love. 

4. There is no greater feeling than when you resolve a conflict that could mess up a lot of your life. To mend friendships and to let them grow. 

5. There is no greater feeling than having two of your closest friends be worthy of giving you a blessing of comfort. To see you at your lowest and to love you anyway. To actually stop watching a football game and get dressed. Boy, I am sure grateful for that feeling. 

6. No greater feeling than reading something you have needed to for a very long time. 

7. No greater feeling than hearing something you desperately needed to.

8. No greater feeling than the sun's warmth as it creeps through the winter clouds. 

9. No greater feeling than feeling peace and happiness coming to your life again.  

What feelings do you love the most? What are you grateful for during the hard times?

I hope you are all having a terrific Tuesday, because I definitely am, even if I still am tired from all these emotions. 

Stay gold.