Sunday Stuff // On what I'm going through.

Hey there!

Happy Mother's Day to my best mom. Her name is Lys (pronounced: Leese) and she is everything I want to be when I grow up.

Ask anyone to describe my mom and they'll say she's an angel. Because she really is. She is an angel and she inspires me to stay gold. As cheesy as that sounds. She is a true gem and I thank God every day for blessing me with the loveliest of moms.

Anxiety is no stranger to this writing space of mine. I've talked about my experiences with anxiety several times. Anxiety isn't the new kid on the block. A lot of people have anxiety, but I don't think that makes my struggles little.

I'm just going through some anxiety right now. Social anxiety. Personal anxiety. I ate a five guys burger and fries anxiety.

The struggle is real. (Don't laugh...it really is real.)

I don't really want to talk about this on a day where I'm celebrating my mom, but I just needed to mention it because I'm not getting on social media for the rest of the day (except Snapchat...because, you know.) And I will be traveling to California all day tomorrow (after a trip delay of 4 days because of bad weather) And if I don't say something now...I won't get this weighty feeling off of my chest.

To my friends reading this, I'm sorry if I haven't been the best friend lately. When I go through anxiety attacks it's hard for me to put on a happy face and hang out with you. It's nothing personal, it's just hard. Putting on a happy face can get really heavy. Because when I'm with you, I'll compare myself to your words, your clothes, your body. It's true. Boy or girl. I will compare. That's what happens to me. It happens to a lot of people, but with the anxiety that I'm feeling right now that's just how it is. Also...I know a lot of people say they are bad at texting, but I'm really bad at texting. Ask my sister. I really didn't see one of her texts until 5 hours later. I try not to be glued to my phone because that gives me anxiety too.

Family anxiety. I am leaving my immediate family for four months. I come from a family where family is everything. I cling to them and it's almost a fault. So I've been trying to get as much time with them before I spend as much time with my new(er) family.

Social media anxiety. The truth is...social media is not good for me. It's just not. I look at it and I see all the faults in people and then I see faults in myself. This makes me sound like a really quality person, right? I know. I would much rather talk to a person without screens, without seeing what they blogged about, without seeing what clothes they bought, without all those things that separate people.

Body anxiety. I really really really really have issues with my body. There. I. Said. It. I have been promoting loving yourself but I haven't been completely honest. I have a distorted image of myself. And I want to fix that. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Some days are really good but some days are really bad. I'm trying to find a healthy balance in my life so here are some goals I made:

1. Do a physical exercise/activity for at least 30 minutes every day. That means I have to walk on Sundays.
2. Use MyFitnessPal as a food tracker (some people scoff at this, but for my body type, I need this). Track every day...even if you forget to track all of your meals, at least track liquids and snacks.
3. Look at myself in the mirror and say, "I can do anything good! And even if I don't see progress right away, I'm doing the right things today, because I can do anything great."

Ok...that felt really good to say.

Until next time friends.

P.S. DON'T COPY PEOPLE. BE YOURSELF. BE YOU BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE THAT IS YOUER THAN YOU.

Really though.

P.p.s. Thanks to everyone who has shown me so much love and patience. You know who you are. You really do. I love you guys.

p.p.p.s for anyone else that is feeling really dumb for not graduating...DON'T FEEL DUMB. Read this.