a little post about become better

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I feel like a terrible person. I get down on myself a lot and I worry about everything. That comes with someone who has to battle anxiety a lot. I try very hard not to let the nervous feeling in my bones define me. I try to be who I really am. I try to be brave. I realize just how much good I could actually do if I just stopped being lazy. I realize how much kinder I could be. I want to be kinder. I want to be full of love. I want to be the friend that is always there. I want to exude light. I want light to come from my toes, fingers, the tips of my hair. I want to stop saying stupid things. I want to be talented. I want to feel pretty every day. I want that boy to like me. I want my Valley boy to write me. I want my heart to stop feeling so conflicted. I want to trust in the Lord's timing. I want to have a little bit more faith. I want to become like God. I want to be lifted up out of affliction. I want to feel peace. I want to blink a few times and see clearly. I want to smile a lot. I want to laugh. Loud. I want the feeling of pure joy to wrap around me like a blanket.

I feel like this happens to me. And then I feel like I feel nothing some days. And I guess that's okay. I just need to make the most of it. With a little help from my friends, I can make the most of it. It's a waste of time to be unhappy. No matter how much unhappiness may bombard me. It's simply a waste of time.

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