And my mind wanders.

A Mother's Day post is in order for tomorrow, but for now I will write from the mind.

I lead a small life, yes like Kathleen Kelly in "You've Got Mail." I lead a small life and though it is small, I feel like it has been very profound. In its own way of course.

Sometimes though, I feel most insignificant. I feel like my dreams and ideas will never come to pass. I feel like I'm too loud, too flirty, too stupid, too excited, too nice, too mean, too crass, too bold, too shy. Too everything. I feel this way and then my life doesn't seem so profound anymore.

And then I remember that I am good and that things will be okay and that things take time. They do. Some things just take time. Time will tell you that you are good enough and that you aren't too everything. You are something.

Something wonderful. Something lovely. Something good. Something significant.

I am significant. I just need to listen to time a little bit. I need to trust life a little more. Trust God.

Couldn't we all do that? Yes.

That's all for tonight.

When people tell you you're not good enough...

Or when they say things about you that hurt your feelings. When they tell you to change. When they try to tell you what you do or do not deserve. When they spread rumors about you. When that guy doesn't like you because you're not "his type." When you don't fit in because your hair isn't right or you don't wear the right brand of clothes, or you can't play a certain sport. When you feel like everything is falling apart and no one is on your side...

Look at yourself in the mirror and say, NO I am not those things that you say about me. I am fine just the way I am. I don't need to change for you or for anyone else. I am my own person and that's how I want it to be. No, I do deserve this, I deserve it more than anyone because I've worked hard for this and I have shed many tears over it and I have put my whole heart and soul into it. You don't know me, and you haven't even tried to get to know me so stop spreading those lies about me. Just stop. And so what if I'm not your type!? What are types anyway? Someday I will find a guy that will make my heart stop, who will put neverending butterflies in my stomach, who will brush the hair out of my face when I look exceptionally disheveled. Who will talk to me when I'm upset who will love me no matter what. Who won't care about types. And you know what I like my hair this way and I'll wear the clothes I want to wear and sports don't even matter in the long run. And finally, you tell the world that you will conquer it. That you will be happy and that the world is on your side. And that you love life and life will love you back and you can do anything good.

That's what you say to the faces of the people that tell you you're not good enough. Because you are good. You are gooder than good. You are amazing. You are stardust. You are golden. That is who you are and don't let anyone...EVER get you down because you are so worth it.

That's all.

The truth about growing up...

So I finished my second year of college today and it didn't go out with a bang or confetti or cheers or a big wet kiss from a boy. It ended with me walking home, feeling slightly forlorn because I didn't nail my family finance test. No I didn't nail it at all. And no one was there when I got home to make me a PB & J or brush through my hair and rub my back while I cried a little and felt overwhelmingly tired. I got over it though. That's the thing about growing up. You get over things and you grow out of being coddled. You have to grow up sometimes. No matter how tired you are. No matter how bad a test seems. No matter how tight your jeans fit because you ate junk ALL week. No matter how many break outs / break downs you have. No matter how many tears you cry, disappointments you have, insecurities you feel. Life goes on and one must grow up.

Not saying that it's not okay to cry and pout and sometimes have a pity party. Sometimes you have to, but you must get back up. You have to get dressed for the start of summer party in an hour even when you want to veg around all day and it's cold outside. You just have to because that's what growing up is about. It's about being happy and living. It's about making decisions that will bless your life and building relationships that you can keep forever. It's about laughter and managing money. It's about returning those shoes you don't need and not buying another striped sweater. It's about talking to your wise father about love and accepting his comfort. It's about waking up to your alarm in the morning and starting the day with a smile even if it's 36 degrees outside and snowing.

Growing up isn't so bad. Yes, sometimes I don't want it to happen, but then again it's an exciting feeling. It's a start of something fresh, new and oh so lovely. Sometimes, I really like growing up. It's not so bad.

A Birthday Story

Saturday, April 13th was this gobbledy-gooks birthday. I turned the big 2-0 "GOODBYE CHILDHOOD! YOU WERE EVER SO GOOD TO ME! Except for the time where I wore Harry Potter glasses and had teeth that overlapped each other. Oh well."

Birthday festivities began on Friday afternoon.  My sweet mother was adamant on Spencer and I getting to Salt Lake so we could scour City Creek for birthday goods. So I skipped class, mostly because I slept in until the sun was high in the sky...well it would have been if there was sunshine that day. And Spencer picked me up and we drove to SLC and we made lots of silly jokes along the way and talked about life and important things but mostly we made fun of Lana Del Rey all the while singing to her swanky tunes.

City Creek puts Spencer out so he brought a deep novel to read and kept looking at it longingly as he followed me around Nordstrom twenty times, then to The Gap, next to Sephora to smell the perfume selection and then to J.Crew to dream a lot, and lastly to Anthropologie because I could spend my whole life in that store looking at every bit and bauble that they have. On my second trip to J.Crew my mom, grandmama, and sister joined us and we went away to shop. Spencer sat in the sun, looking at little children splash in a fountain and Krystal stayed by my side, telling me not to get overwhelmed and also reminding me that she would buy me anything I wanted. She's a working girl now so she is pretty much a 16 year old millionaire. No big deal. As for shopping went, I did get some birthday treasures, and treasures they were.

First, from The Gap, Krystal bought me an ensemble, what a gal. I can't believe I'm so blessed to have a sister like her.

These floral skimmers...

They are the softest and springiest pants ever. Thanks Tootie!

And then she topped it off with this tailored chambray shirt and it's better than all the chambray shirts in the world because it's structured in the most perfect places. Even the buttons feel expensive and the highest of quality. I will probably wear the daylights out of this thing.

And I'll probably wear it exactly like this model is wearing it.

Oh and let me not forget to mention that they were having an extra 30-50% off on certain items so she got a killer deal on all of it (I had to sneak a peek of the receipt. Shhh...don't tell her.)

Next we went to Anthropologie and I was in heaven. I really didn't even look at the clothes, I am more into their books, candles, and kitchen stuff. It's all so simple, clean, and exceptionally lovely. My mom bought me The Sartorialist: Closer and my first Kinfolk Magazine. I am going to start collecting those beautiful things. If there is anything worth collecting it's fine reading. So thank you beautiful mother. I do adore you. You are far too good to me.

After that, I went on the hunt for the perfect, dress, cardigan, and statement necklace.  Those were really the things I wanted the most clothing wise this birthday. So we searched and searched and everything was either too short, too ugly, too long, not the right color, not the right fit, some were so gosh-awful I got super impatient with the minds of designers. And then we saw the holy grail...and I tried it on. And it was perfect. AND IT WAS ONLY $60! I was dying, but I let it go, because it was slightly too short and I was sad because I didn't think it was, but we had to go meet my dad and other brother for dinner. But I didn't let any of it damper my spirits, it was just a dress after all, and I'm 20 years old I can't be complaining about dresses any longer!

So dinner didn't work out as planned but we still feasted. We intended on dining at The Cheesecake Factory, because that is my favorite restaurant in the entire world, but the line was like TWO HOURS LONG so we opted for Johnny Rockets instead and it was a grand choice. Grand, indeed. I got the Smokehouse Single and it treated the taste buds really nicely, not to mention I had a chocolate oreo shake to wash it down. I devoured it all. My family did too. We were hungry people. My mom presented me with a $50 gift card for Target and some chocolate covered treats to make me that happiest college girl approaching finals alive. She knows me.

Well it was time to go back to the happy valley and it was time to leave my family so they could go back to North Ogden and my dad was very interested in walking all of us back and stopping at The Limited while he was at it. He walked into The Limited and was there for a little to long for it not to be suspicious. So I walked in after him and there he was chatting jovially with the cashier about fashion and stuff and then from behind the counter, he handed my dad the beautiful clothing creation that I had tried on earlier but let go. He won dad of the year award right there. Dad of a lifetime. The most stylish dad around. Oh man, Daddy-O you are a catch. I never want to let you go!

Well my actual birthday came! It came nice and lovely with Abelskievers in the morning and boys that smelled of Old Spice. All the while, I was led on a household easter egg hunt like my parents used to do for my birthday when I was little. Oh and a word scavenger hunt provided by dear ol Emilee where I had to find these great words. Then we went to a baseball game and I actually enjoyed. When we got back I was fed pizza and it was beyond tasty.

To end the night Makenna invited people over for a 10 minute dance party and we rocked hard core. Then I was greeted by a delicious cake. Did I also mention that I ate a J-Dawg throughout the day.

So all I have to say is that I was very blessed that day. With all the gifts, food, and company a girl could die of happiness. That night I fell asleep with a smile on my face. So thank you everybody who made my birthday so amazing. You have made this life amazing. I love you all. You're the goldest of the gold.

And here are some pictures!!

1. Classy picture of the dress. So classy because it's taken in front of a bathroom mirror with Mak's towels in the distance. 2. The Sartorialist: Closer 3. Kinfolk Mag. So Lovely. 4. The Hunt begins. 5. Abels! Apple slices apparently! 6. Emilee's great scavenger hunt.

1. Me and my Dawg! 2. The pizza. 3 A beautiful necklace Kaitlyn gave me. 4. The baseball game.

Being a turkey with Spencer.

I was trying to be edgy or super hipster. It didn't work.

Cards. I love cards. Scarf is from H&M I got it in Switzerland. The sweater is from American Eagle. Watch is Michael Kors. Nail polish is Essie's "Play date" and the face is from Frank and Lys Ruiz. 20 years in the making.

My beautiful mother and my abuela! See the resemblence?

My dad impatiently waiting for food, he was hungry. Krystal quizzically touching her chin. And me trying to decide whether Spencer was taking the picture of not.

Krystal looking tired but oh so cute, and me cheesin' with a gift full of treats and a Target giftcard.

P.S. If this is poorly written, I'm not even sorry, this has taken me 12 years to write all in the midst of finals week and dramatude with peoples. Until later, friends.

Deactivating Facebook

It wasn't hard. I just did it and I don't know when I'll be back. If you really want to talk to me, text, call, message me on tumblr, comment here. I'll respond. I just needed a break from that place. It's nice to break away. To unplug in a way. What are some things that you could take a break from? Comment below and have a great Tuesday evening. Peace. Stay gold.

The Importance of Being Krystal

The sweetest surprise greeted me as I came home from a date Saturday night. It took me by so much surprise that I had the most delayed reaction in the history of delayed reactions. I knocked on the door expecting my roommates to answer and like I said, much to my surprise a 4 foot 11 beauty answered the door and my jaw dropped. I looked at my roommates and then back and her and said ohmygosh a trillion times and hugged the heck out of my sister. My sister surprised me with her presence after our plans for her visiting fell through. It was happiest moment of the weekend, and now I'm crying a little bit and it's not because I am constantly listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. She went home today and I feel like a little bit of my life went away. It felt so right...her being here. It was like she was meant to stay. I didn't want her to go home to work at Pizza Pie Cafe, and it's not like I won't ever see her again, I see her more than most siblings here do, but it was just the perfect feeling. You know? Krystal is like a breath of fresh air. She is a vision of kindness and sweetness. I am so blessed to have a sister as patience as she is. As understanding. She listens and speaks the wisest of words.

I like to think that we were inseparable in the pre-earth life a la Saturday's Warrior. I like to think that I cried when I had to leave her, knowing that it would be three almost four years until I got to see her again. Until I got to hold her little body, me still a young little sprout, her a fresh soul, a precious package delivered from God. I bet I was sad because she would be there, not alone, but waiting...waiting patiently to be with us again. I'm so glad that I get to be with her forever, even when I start my own family. I know we will be reunited and have family reunions in this life and the next. I'm so grateful for that, because she is good. She is the good I wish I could be. Krystal is the loveliest and she is beyond gold. I know that she is favored of the Lord. I know that he looks at her with love and reverence, because I do. I love her more than anything. She is the best person anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for this weekend, Krystal. Thank you. Thank you. Let's cross our fingers that you can come for the Festival of Colors this weekend.

I saw a robin today...

I should start taking more serious pictures of my life. Not like the silly instagram ones...like pictures of the sky and the robin that I saw in the tree outside of my apartment complex. I saw so many beautiful things today and all I have is memories so I guess I will keep them close.

Seeing that robin was a lovely thing really. It was a glimmer of hope for spring. It spread its wings, startled at my appearance on the walk way. And it flapped its way to a brambly tree. I stood there and stared at it for a brief moment. I looked at it's yellow beak and it's red belly all puffed up and ruffled. It didn't chirp or anything but I imagined that it would and the primary song popped into my head.

"Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree,
I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heav’nly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
I thank him rev’rently
For all his creations, of which I’m a part.
Yes, I know Heav’nly Father loves me."

I felt very happy walking up the stairs to my apartment. And I felt happy when I thought of the homework I had to do. That never happens. I felt good because this weekend wasn't a weekend for warm and fuzzies. It was a weekend of finding out you've lost the trust of a close friend and realizing that people move on without you. It was a pity party weekend and I seemed to be content with my current situation.

I wasn't realizing "the brutal circumstances of my current situation."(Stake Conference, baby) I wasn't improving or trying to change things that I needed to. I kept on painting a silver lining or putting a sugar coat over the things in my life that I wasn't enjoying. Well today changed that. I'm not saying the robin did...there are many factors really.

This morning I prayed out loud. I talked to God. Then I read my scriptures, I never do that in the morning. And I read about Lachoneus and his dedication to fortify his city from the Gadianton Robbers. I realized I had to fortify myself from the adversary. The Lord was on my side, I had to act. I realized that it was MY choice to be happy. It IS MY CHOICE to be myself. So I'm going to be me. Because that's who I want to be.

So I'm thankful for that robin, and Lachoneus, and praying vocally, I'm grateful for 49 degree weather, and I'm grateful for every single thing in my life...even losing the trust of a friend, because now I get to work harder to be better...and I want to be better.

sore throats and sniffly noses

This post will be brief and it will be about how I won't be writing blog posts until I finish all of my homework and take two tests.

So yesterday was beautiful. The sun was shining and birds were chirping. All was well until my last class of the day. I was just sitting there listening to my professor talk about the evolution of music and mass communications and I decided to swallow the saliva building in my mouth and suddenly I felt it. pain. Itchiness. Mucusey irritation. And so I swallowed again and again and that dreaded feeling came over me.


I'm getting sick.


Then I felt like crying.


Then my nose started  running.


Then I walked home and sat on the couch and stayed there until I achily ate an orange. Bless the orange. And I did too many physical things like volleyball and stretching and stuff that sick people shouldn't do. And I craved a huge piece of pizza and more oranges. And orange juice.

I'm sick.

So I'm not going to post anything. Yeah. I think I already said that.

Do any of you have sick day remedies. Or ways to make it through class when you're sick?

Stay gold.

a little post about become better

I feel like a terrible person. I get down on myself a lot and I worry about everything. That comes with someone who has to battle anxiety a lot. I try very hard not to let the nervous feeling in my bones define me. I try to be who I really am. I try to be brave. I realize just how much good I could actually do if I just stopped being lazy. I realize how much kinder I could be. I want to be kinder. I want to be full of love. I want to be the friend that is always there. I want to exude light. I want light to come from my toes, fingers, the tips of my hair. I want to stop saying stupid things. I want to be talented. I want to feel pretty every day. I want that boy to like me. I want my Valley boy to write me. I want my heart to stop feeling so conflicted. I want to trust in the Lord's timing. I want to have a little bit more faith. I want to become like God. I want to be lifted up out of affliction. I want to feel peace. I want to blink a few times and see clearly. I want to smile a lot. I want to laugh. Loud. I want the feeling of pure joy to wrap around me like a blanket.

I feel like this happens to me. And then I feel like I feel nothing some days. And I guess that's okay. I just need to make the most of it. With a little help from my friends, I can make the most of it. It's a waste of time to be unhappy. No matter how much unhappiness may bombard me. It's simply a waste of time.

I should be writing a paper...

It's surprising how hard it is to write a three page paper over a long weekend. It just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen until you have watched Forever Strong, eaten too many pretzels, played too many word games, played flow and campus life on your iphone until your fingers hurt, pinned every pin, reblogged all the posts on tumblr, made a quick drive to valley boy's stomping grounds, and a taken much needed grocery pit stop. Oh and you have to write a blog spot before you even look at the rest of it. Let's face it professors, be prepared for crap essays especially when you assign them over a long weekend.

So I took a trip home this weekend and I brought two of my favorite hooligans. The hooligans I live with. Mak and Kaitlyn got a taste of my hometown and what a beautiful hometown it is. N.O. I love you and I'm grateful to be part of the club! I have 4 other friends from North Ogden in my ward, so they started this pseudo-club. It's cool I guess. Feel free to be jealous. We are still accepting applications.

Welcome to the club, ladies!

I hope you're all having a happy Pres day. Stay golden.

I learned something...

I learned something last night. I think I learn it every day. I learned about people and emotions and life. I learned about coping and how people cope. I learned about myself too.

I have a friend who is going through a serious, emotional trial right now. Something that is changing his life. Something that will alter his life forever. The thing is, I don't really know what this trial is. He hasn't talked to me about it, but I can just tell. Sometimes you just can. You can tell when they curl up inside of themselves. When they push people away and when they don't laugh the way they used to. They don't crack jokes and they have this perpetual look of gloom on their face. You just know that something is going on for that person. You just know. You feel it. And you feel sad too. You feel helpless because there is nothing you can do. They won't open up to you and you can't force them to. You simply can't. I learned that you can only love them. That's all.

p.s. forgive the lateness and the ramblings. I am busy trying to figure out my life.

p.p.s expect a terrific tuesday post soon. like today. yeah.

Truth is...

I have been having some tough days lately. Tougher than usual. So tough that I feel physically ill and emotionally drained by the time my head hits the pillow. And the funny (and quite sad) thing is that it is because I do it to myself. I blame myself, I get tangled in my emotions and feelings of inadequacy. No one else is doing this to me. It's all my own doing and I think that is the most destructive thing in the world. To forget the light within us and see ourselves as worthless is one of the most poisonous things that humans can do to themselves...and to others.

So I feel like I hit a particular low last night. I won't go into details but let's say it ended with me receiving some of the most powerful words of comfort that I have ever heard. I'll quote them the best I can...

Dani, the trials and feelings you are having are not happening because you are a bad person. There is no correlation there. They are happening because something wonderful is about to happen. Some of the strongest and best people go through hard things because it will make them even stronger and BETTER in the long run. You are meant to do great things. Don't forget that. The clouds of Satan are going to disperse and the light of Christ will shine through. You will feel better.

Yeah, as you can imagine I bawled like a baby and I am not ashamed. Sometimes you need a very good cry. You need to cry hard and then you need to think. Think hard and long.  And while I was thinking, I wrote down some of the greatest feelings of happiness that I had that day. A day that seemed to be so terrible. So here are some of the feelings I included in this list...

No Greater Feeling

By Dani Ruiz 

1. There is no greater feeling than hearing the gurgly squeal of laughter that comes from a child when they are playing peek-a-boo. 

2. There is no greater feeling than hearing the most adorable children call you Auntie Dani. 

3. There is no greater feeling than trying to explain scriptures to them as they proceed to start jumping on the couch and dancing. There is no impatience, just pure love. 

4. There is no greater feeling than when you resolve a conflict that could mess up a lot of your life. To mend friendships and to let them grow. 

5. There is no greater feeling than having two of your closest friends be worthy of giving you a blessing of comfort. To see you at your lowest and to love you anyway. To actually stop watching a football game and get dressed. Boy, I am sure grateful for that feeling. 

6. No greater feeling than reading something you have needed to for a very long time. 

7. No greater feeling than hearing something you desperately needed to.

8. No greater feeling than the sun's warmth as it creeps through the winter clouds. 

9. No greater feeling than feeling peace and happiness coming to your life again.  

What feelings do you love the most? What are you grateful for during the hard times?

I hope you are all having a terrific Tuesday, because I definitely am, even if I still am tired from all these emotions. 

Stay gold. 

Mondays and Tuesdays, they are all the same these days...

Another Tuesday and we are all a week older. It amazes me how time flies, even if it's extremely cold outside and we are cooped up in our homes for the winter. Now I know why bears hibernate.

I really have no idea what I want to write about, because I am currently stressing about an abstract that I haven't written yet and it's due by 10:00 tonight. Wish me luck and enjoy these 5 facts or thoughts by me.

Hopefully they will make you happy...

1. I learn each and every day that you have to cherish your friends and love them. You have to find the right ones too and you can't be afraid of them. If you need to vent, vent. If you love them, tell them. Friends who are so dear and so close should be like family. Family away from family. I think I have found those friends here.

2. I am from Utah and I can't bear this weather. My face freezes and my ears ache. Pray for me.

3. Sucre is slowly becoming an obsession. My brother Spencer is a total babe for introducing me to her beauty.

4. I have this sudden craving to go on an adventure like Sam and Suzy in Moonrise Kingdom. Have you seen that film? GO see it now.

5. Sometimes I doubt myself and I beat myself up over the dumbest things. I need to remember that things are going to be okay. Everything will work out. I have to remind myself this every day. Really. Do you?

Have a nice day friends. I'm going to go watch Braveheart (the edited version of course) and you guys should just stay gold.

P.S. Did I just say that I was going to go watch Braveheart...I thought I had an abstract to write...Booooo....sadness.

Thoughts on a Tuesday

And these thoughts are really terrific, if I do say so myself.

It is the second day of the semester, and I already know that this semester is going to be pretty darn difficult. Well one class anyway. The teacher intimidated me. Like really. I almost don't want to go back, but I will because I need to do this and I have to live my goals.

Speaking of goals, I have been setting some. I shared some on my last Wishlist Wednesday post, and I intend to reach them. I intend to be a happier person, and I intend to put the spiritual aspects of my life first. My dad told me before I left for school that if I build my spiritual foundation, things will work out for me. I will have a better life. I will be happier. I will love a little bit more. I have already seen this. The Lord is guiding me, and I know it.

Sometimes, we don't feel like we have any guidance in our lives, and that is normal sometimes. My friend Emilee just said as I was writing this, we are all a little lost. We are but if we just stop and think for a minute. There is always guidance in our lives. Always. We are always found.

Photo Courtesy of someone on Pinterest. It's always hard to find the exact source.

Wishlist Wednesday: 5 Things I Wish For

There will be no clothing items or accessories on this wishlist today. Here are 5 things I'm wishing for this year. 

1. I wish to cook more. I cooked so much last school year and now I never do. I need to cook. It's a lot healthier and happier that way. I feel that way anyway. Cooking de-stresses...thus, a happier Dani.

2. I wish to manage my money better. I want to save and I want to get a job. If you know of any place hiring, I would love to hear about it. Let me know kiddos.

3. I wish to be kinder and more lovely with people. I want to be sweeter and more genuine. I want to let people know that I care about them. I want to stop being so critical towards others.

4. I wish to stop peeling my cuticles and biting my nails. I hate these habits of mine. The woes of anxiety.

5. I wish to organize my life better and be fully dedicated to school.

What are you wishing for? What wishes do you want to accomplish? We all can do this! I know it. Stay gold.

Monday Musing: Who I Am Becoming

Today, I was making my daily visit to the splendorous Mormon Mommy blogs that I became so enthralled with my Freshman year of college, when I had to right a rhetorical analysis on the phenomenon of beautiful ladies with adorable children and the best clothes..oh and let's not forget husbands that have come straight out of Gap and J.Crew catalogs. As I was reading about Taza (Naomi) and her trip to Italy with her littles, Elaine and her interview with Natalie (who just so happens to be my newest favorite...I wasn't always a fan.), I felt a pang of jealously. I just thought, wow they have the most perfect lives. Well it seems that way, but then I realized...no they probably don't have perfect lives, and neither do I. But we have some pretty awesome lives. I have a great life I thought. I thought, DANI YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE. A good life really. You may not have a husband yet, and you may be no where close to getting married and having a family of your own, but you have parents that love the guts out of you. You have roommates that you can talk to. Friends that you can stay up late with and giggle about stupid things with. You may not live in a big city, but you live in a place with grand mountains and golden leaves in the fall, and one day you will live in that big city. You can be whatever you want to be one day. You are getting an education at an amazing, nationally acclaimed/accredited university. You have parents who are making that possible. You may not have companies that sponsor you and give you the best clothes ever...but you have a pretty fine closet and you know how to style what you have. You may not know what you want to do yet, and you may not get into the COMMS-PR program and you might have to go back to FACSED, but at least you are willing to explore. At least you are willing to take a leap of faith and try something new. You have a Heavenly Father on your side and that's really what matters. You wouldn't be anywhere without His love. So instead of wishing that you had that life, aspire to have that life. Aspire to be an inspiration. Aspire to be great. BE GREAT. Be willing to take risks and live a little. You are becoming the person you have always wanted to be. Sometimes you can't see it all the time, but it's there. You are becoming everything you've dreamed of becoming. Don't give up. Try hard.  Be happy with what you already have. There is so much in store for you.Things will work out. They always do and that's pretty golden if I do say so myself.

Photo Courtesy of Tumblr

P.S. This is a rewrite after the On-Campus internet ate my original ramble, which was far more beautifully written...if I do say so myself. It's a shame my mind can't remember everything I write. Hope you enjoyed anyway.

Monday Musing: The Cleaning Piece III

Some nights I lay awake and think of all the mean or critical things I have said to someone or ABOUT someone that day. I think of how I would feel if I heard or was told all of the critical things people say about me when I'm not around. Just thinking about it makes me angry and hurt, then I realize how those people must feel. I think of how my sarcastic or "I'm not trying to judge" remarks make or would make those people feel. I don't deserve it when people say "You're too nice, or you're so kind." I'm not if I say those things to and about people. I have been told that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor and that speaking ill of others is one of the most  UN-Christ-like things you could do. So that's why today I am starting something new. It is part of my journey to God and self-discovery. It is all a part of the journey. Even if it's hard and I have to start over multiple times, I will do this. It is called the Cleaning Piece III and I have Tumblr to thank for it.

What a wonderful world we would have if everyone lived this way. I'm not saying I will be perfect at this, and I'm not saying that I won't have to face conflict. I'm saying that I want to try this. I want to be better. I want to be kinder. I don't want to feel guilt when people say "Dani, you're just so nice."

So today marks the beginning. Today I will keep negative thoughts to myself. I will see people as who they truly are, children of an ever-loving Father in Heaven who loves each and every one of them. Brothers and sisters of a big brother who lived and died for them. I will see them as people. I will clean my life. I will have a heart at peace. Who is with me? We can start, make mistakes, and start again together!

Let's go!

Stay golden!

Monday Musings: Mini rant and Back to Happy Valley

First of all, why was Adele not in the closing ceremonies? I know she's pregnant and all, but they had Jessie J screaming and yodeling her lungs out while Adele could have been belting out some lovely tunes with her far better voice. Come on London.

Second of all, really Facebook you're announcing engagements now?

Third of all, and what I want to talk about most of all is the fact that this is my last week before I move back down to Happy Valley for school. This week is finally here. I remember last year when my last week finally came to be. I was an emotional mess. Heck I was an emotional, anxious mess all of last summer. Really though, I can't believe this is my last week. I haven't even thought about buying my books, moving in, packing all of my closet into bins, what I'm going to eat, the homework. It hasn't all settled in yet. I don't think I'm afraid. I don't think I'm not ready. I think I am ready. I want to be back at school, but I don't want to adjust, but hey change is inevitable. I need to adjust. I need to start being an independent college student again. It's time to meet new people, make new friends, get used to a new ward. Get used to everything. It really is exciting. Nervewracking, but very exciting. I just need to remember who I am. I can't lose myself when I'm at school. I feel like that happened my Freshman year. I compared myself to everybody. I let my anxiety, OCD, and stress get the best of me. That happens sometimes, but too often last year. This year is going to be better than last. I know it's easier said than done, but really I'm going to try my best to make this year a really awesome one. I am going to be my best self. I'm going to be the REAL Dani. It is time to grow up again, start anew, have some fun, and work hard. Bring it on.

So here's to the last week.  Here's to another Monday Musing. And here's to Imagine Dragons.

Sunday, March 4, 2012; 12:11 AM

Yes, I am writing this at midnight, but I really loved this scripture I read in 1 Nephi 19.

v.10 "For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."

This past month, February, I felt like my Father in Heaven was refining me. February was a really tough month for me. I felt like giving up on BYU, college all together, teaching, on everything. I felt very lost and very much alone. The best part about those moments though, were the decisions I had to make and the consequences I received.  I could have been made bitter. I could have asked, "Why me?" and turned from the Lord, or I could have come unto Him and strengthened my faith. I decided to strengthen my trust and faith in Him. I decided to let the fire refine me into a young woman with a strong and brighter testimony of Christ and His Atonement. Our Heavenly Father chooses us to be examples of Him. He will never leave us. I know it because he lifted me up out of my "month from hell." I know that's dramatic, but I am comforted to know that my Savior suffered for every sin, pain, and feeling of loneliness and despair. He took those from me and I can always turn to Him. He has given me courage and strength. He loves me. I know it.

-Dani