currently

I love these types of blog posts. They are easy to write and just plain fun because you get to share all those little details about yourself that probably no one cares about but you want to do it anyway. That's what blogging is all about, right? Talking about things that people really love or talking about things that are totally pointless and that only you care about. This is one of those posts.

So I'm currently...

Listening // Fleetwood Mac's Rumours and ABBA's Gold. For Valentine's day Tyler got me a record player and the vinyls of both. He did a marvelous job. I'm obsessed.

Reading // Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. It's taking me awhile but it's so interesting and not what I expected. Oh, and it's funny. I love funny books written by funny people.

Working // at Wallaroo Media. Full time. It's so different and I can't believe I've started this phase of my life. However, I enjoy it despite the feelings of stress and self-doubt I feel on a day to day basis. Any tips on how to be a mentally healthier human are always appreciated on this part of the internet.

Watching // West Wing and The Bachelor. West Wing is strictly for dinner time because it's easy to watch and it makes me feel smart. The Bachelor for when I want to be like every other girl in America and watch women who are so much more capable of doing other things make fools of themselves on national television. But I shouldn't judge because they are all there for the right reasons.

Wearing // Brown lipstick straight from the '90s. Black boots. High-waisted jeans. Oversized tunic shirt that looks more expensive that it really was.

Craving // Pizza. But when am I not craving pizza? But for real. For a long time, I didn't crave chocolate in fact thinking about eating it made me sick, but today we got chocolate from my mother-in-law in the mail and I realized how long it had been. I almost ate the whole bar.

Wanting // This sweater. This shirt. These boots. This plant. This planter. This print. This vinyl.

Feeling //  Ready for a long weekend. Aren't long weekends just a blessing sent from the Lord above?

Doing // Not necessarily doing these things but I want to. I want to grow my own plants and learn to cross stitch. I said I would in 2016 and I haven't yet.

marbles

Just two months ago, I discovered the magical place that is Hobby Lobby. Remember when people were trying to boycott Hobby Lobby? Well without getting into opinions and fighting words, I just have to say I'm glad that fell through because Hobby Lobby is the shit. 50% off frames and wall decor? YES, please! Ceramic faux taxidermy? Give it all to me! Lots of stress because you want everything and you only have ONE 40% off coupon? #Accurate. Let's just say that Hobby Lobby has become as toxic to a woman's wallet and her personal relationships as Target.

So I was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and I was waiting in line. They are having a huge home accents sale, so people were crowding the place. I was waiting in line and in front of me was this really put together mom. She reminded me of my favorite mom, and that is my mom so I was really admiring her, and at her feet was her EXTREMELY well-behaved son. (This is the highest compliment I could give someone because there are A LOT of wannabe-famous mormons at Hobby Lobby and a lot of their sons and daughters are tiny little terrors dressed in baby moccasins.) But not this little guy. He had on a nerdy little polo shirt with brown, scuffed laced shoes. His pants were those cute cargo ones that your dad might wear, only they were little kid size. He was adorable, and I really loved that his mom didn't care about him being dressed in baby moccasins, because baby clothes are pricy and that baby was going to learn to love hand-me-downs. Did I just ramble about baby mocs? Yes, yes I did. Anyway,  so I was really into watching this kid because he was not only cute, but he had a great vocabulary and he was very obedient to his mom with her pretty hair and put together aura. And it was really helping me not turn around and tell the two moms behind me to stop railing on their eyelash extension girl for not being able to fit them in.

And I was able to witness the sweetest thing. It was a "faith in humanity restored" moment. The little boy, who didn't wander to far from his mom, but was very eager to stay close to help her and ask questions about different items in the store and in her cart, he wandered over to those things I like to call "last minute temptations." You know, those cash register line stands filled with sour candy, chocolate, yarn, buttons, magnets, pokemon cards, mini toys that are a choking hazard, 3M hooks, twine and washi tape, and for some reason you find yourself needing a pack of pokemon cards because maybe, just maybe there will be a holographic charzard in there.

He was poking around in those last minute temptations and he reached for a bag of marbles. It was the prettiest bag of marbles you could ever see. Marbles of every color. Marbles of every size. Marbles straight out of those old movies that your mom taught you to love. The most beautiful bag of marbles your eyes could behold. His eyes became wide with wonder and awe. He clutched the bag and looked side to side. He looked up at me and then quickly looked away (little kid embarassment is the cutest thing ever). He looked down at the floor. Back at the marbles. I could tell his mind was whirling around and he was trying to find the words to say.

Would he gather the courage to ask his mom? Or would he place the bag back down? Would he hold the bag close and slowly inch his way back over, maybe just maybe catching his mother's eye and gaining her seal of approval? Would he loudly play with them to get his mom's attention? How would he react if his mom said no? Would he throw a fit like the other kids around him? Would he smile and say, that's okay mom, I don't need them? Or would he shed tears over that beautiful bag and would those tears create a revolution inside of me and make me buy that bag for him?

I saw all of this run through this child's mind. I even saw him make a decision.

He stood straight up, the marbles grasped firmly in his hand and he marched over to his mom. But not a cocky march, like a "I know what i'm going to do" march. He stopped right in front of his mom, held the marbles up and looked her straight in the eye.

She smiled a lovely and warm smile, "Marbles!" she exclaimed. His face lit up, "Marbles!" he replied.

And without asking, his mom said, "Are there big marbles in there? If you promise me there are big marbles and you'll share with me then you can get them." (For some reason, big marbles are the creme de la creme of marble bags.)

At this point, I was wheezing, I had so many feelings. My heart was a puddle of love juice.

The little boy smiled the biggest smile and hugged his mom's leg saying "thank you thank you mom, I promise I'll share and I promise you can have the big marbles and I promise I won't lose them and I promise I'll always be good. I promise mom, thank you thank you."

That little boy held that bag of marbles so close to him that his mom nearly had to rip them out of this hand to pay for them and it was the most tender thing I saw all week.

Now, I don't know how everything went from there. For all I know, the kid could have dropped all of them in the parking lot or he could have turned into a little twerp as he got in the car, but that little kid was a big example to me of how grateful and excited I should be about my life.

I got home from hobby lobby excited to use my frames and repot my plant with the cool new concrete planter I got from my outing. I started unwrapping my frames and inserting the pictures and everything was going smoothly until the back of one frame wouldn't snap back in. To make a long and necessary story short, I exerted so much force trying to get the back to snap back in that I broke the frame in two. I was furious. I nearly threw the frame across the room. Thinking I was a genius, I ran to my trusty hot glue gun. I managed to piece the frame back together and I started gluing. Finished and smug with success, I went to pick up the frame, except it wouldn't budge from the counter. I had glued the frame to the countertop and that frame refused to budge. Somehow, I managed to unbind it from the counter without breaking it. Except, the paint of the frame came off and stuck to my counter. After going at it with a spatula, it came off and I was ready to stick that damn frame to the wall.

Except my 3M hooks weren't sticking, in fact, they peeled off the frame almost instantly. Completely frustrated and upset I set the frame aside, I needed to cool down. I'll just go repot my plant I thought.

To make another long story short, I killed my plant in the process of repotting. Killed is probably exaggerating but it might as well have happened. I ended up on my kitchen floor angry and surrounded my a hundreds of little leaves and a completely dismembered plant and a pot filled partially with soil. That feeling of joy and faith in humanity and myself that I felt earlier had vanished and I was a loser.

A very ungrateful loser. The plant has been set aside (in the trash). It was beyond saving, I'm telling you. The frame, I set it against my bookshelf. It looked nice. And my pride and ingratitude sat in my throat. I sat myself on the couch and remembered the marbles. How excited that boy was for marbles. How excited I should have been to even go outside that day. To be able to buy frames to decorate my walls. To have a gorgeous plant that I got to take care of for a little while.

You might think this sounds dramatic and corny, but those things are significant. The little things, the little bag of marbles in our lives are significant. We all have bad days and it's sometimes necessary to pout and cry and throw a fit, but after you're done throwing a fit, be like the little kid who got his marbles. Is that a cheesy, mormon analogy or what?

Be as happy as the kid in hobby lobby with his bag of marbles because they are significant and being grateful for those little things in life, despite crappy misfortunes happening around you, is good for the soul. Gratitude is good for the soul.

And that is all I have to say about marbles.

Friday Favorites // Lots of Lovin' + Here's to the Weekend!

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1 // I would be totally and completely ungrateful if I didn't say the biggest, gushiest and heart-juiciest thank you to the best favorites this week...YOU GUYS! My friends! Thank you for loving me even when I'm down. Thank you for the encouraging texts and messages and comments. My heart is full! I have that "my heart is going to burst out of my chest and melt into a puddle of love juice on the floor" feeling. God gives us friends because of moments like these. Just know, you are never alone. I know that. I get reminded of that every day. There is someone there who may not be going through EXACTLY what you're going through, but they are willing to feel for you and feel with you. Isn't that something? Feeling with something. That's empathy, right there. So thank you, friends. I love you. I really do. Thank you for feeling with me. 

2 // One of my freshman roommates, Meghan, is getting married and the other day she asked for some planning advice from me and my two other roommates. I got all the wedding feels. Here are 12 unforgettable wedding moments. 

3 // Speaking of Cup of Jo, have you seen the new website design? Can I please write for this website? That would make my life. 

4 // And one more from this beautiful corner of the internet, a West Village Apartment Tour that will make you swoon and wish you had all the dollars to have an apartment so beautiful. 

5 // The prettiest iPhone 6/6+ cases. I'll take the sparklerose one, please! No but really, can't you see those gems looking great on a block of gold?  

6 // Because of recent events, my fashion studying has gone through a little desert-y moment. I wasn't able to talk about the Met Gala red carpet or the rest of NYFW (it's all right though, because it happens every single year). But I just wanted to give a shout out to my girl, Anna. Though poppies were an odd choice, her dress was a work of art and I dig stuff like that. Also, Fan Bingbing. That. is. all. 

7 // The summer shoe. 

8 // More wedding inspo: for the donut lovers!  (Sorry, Karlee) 

9 // Can we "taco" bout this? Please? 

10 // I call this "Throw it on and go" #1. 

11 // "Throw it on and go" #2. 

12 // A slim twist to an old classic. 

13 // Ok and I hate to shamelessly plug, but hey, why not? Check out my tumblr!  You can find me there drooling over food, fashion and nerdy things. Ya dig? 

Have the happiest weekend friends and, dare I say it, stay gold. 

New Mercies

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I'm really bad at forgiving myself. And for a long time I have not been able to forgive myself. I haven't been able to forgive myself for getting this way (gaining 30 pounds). I haven't been able to forgive myself for not working out every day, for eating that food, for saying that thing, and the list goes on and on and on.

And while I haven't been able to forgive myself, I've trapped myself. I've put myself in this little cage of self-loathing and self-pity and self-pride and self-everything that's not good for you.

So every time I made a "goal" to get better, a "goal" to lose 30 pounds, a goal to work out rigorously every day, this toxic cage would just fuel these goals and so I would give up. Truly they were all unrealistic. Truly they kept me from listening to my own body. These goals only added to this toxicity surrounding my life. All of this, because I couldn't forgive myself. All of this because I couldn't let go and listen to my body and love myself.

Time and time again I have seen the quote on pinterest that we are our own worst critics, and it's completely true. We definitely are. I didn't realize how I was trapping myself inside that nasty little cage. I was becoming one of those mean girls. Mean to herself and projecting her mean-ness to others. I wasn't letting the pure, clean and sweet feeling of forgiveness and love and freedom envelope me because I was afraid. I'm still afraid. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of not seeing any progress. I'm afraid of going back to that spiraling lifestyle of "it's my body I can do what I want to."

Sure it is your body, but remember that your body needs nurturing. It needs to be taken care of! This doesn't mean you have to be the skinniest or the perfectly curviests or the one with the most muscles, but you have to be kind to it.

Being kind to your body will be the most freeing thing you do in your life. I've done it once. I was struggling with a living situation I was in. I needed to get out and taste some fresh air. So I ran every day or I went to the gym and lifted weights. It was the happiest I ever felt. I was drinking a lot of water. I was eating good food too, it wasn't even the healthiest food but it was good. I felt balanced, but I let the negativity of life (and insecurities I believed about myself) and my situation overcome me and I spiraled. I found that cage and thought I found refuge, but I didn't.

I've only been here for a day, in California I mean, but I already feel myself going on this little journey. A little journey of self-discovery and reflection. These journeys are really hard sometimes, but they are completely necessary for our growth and progression in this mortal existence.

My Abby (mother-in-law) and I were talking about prioritizing our lives yesterday. She told me that she wanted to prioritize reading her scriptures. Her bishop at church told her that the most important things come before others. Simple, right? Yeah, except think about all the times that you put the not-so-important things in front of other things because it was more convenient? So her bishop offered a challnege to the congregation.

In your mind, think of all the things you do in your daily routine. Now think of the things that you are omitting that are actually really important. Now, say the following...

"I have a lot of things to do in a day, but before I do *blank* I will do *blank*. For Abby it was before I get out of bed, I will read my scriptures.

For me it's a little different and I'm still figuring it out, but I thought that was a good way to look at life. It's all about listening to your body and listening to your lifestyle. You know you better than anyone else. This prioritizing might be for a personal study habit or a personal workout routine or for anything else for that matter, but just know it's for you. (I'm saying this mostly for me, haha.)

So that's what I'm going to do. Prioritize.

Now just one more thing...forgiving yourself. You have to let yourself do it. Even if you mess up your  priorities. Even if you are trying to mend a broken relationship, a broken dream, a lost joy, a lost motivation. You have to forgive yourself because it will set you free. Now i know I just said that, but you need to realize this one more thing...

Every day you have a new mercy. You don't only get a new mercy in January when you make those resolutions. You don't only get new mercies at church or at the beginning of a new job or only when something great happens or only when times are tough. You get a new mercy every single day. The moment you wake up a new mercy begins. No matter what your life is like you get one.

As I've battled my problems with eating and distorted body image, one of the best things I could do for myself was forgive myself EVERY day.

I watched a video by one of my favorite fitness gurus and she said to be healthy in every aspect of your life you have to forgive yourself every day. Not just on Tuesdays or Fridays or "cheat days" (I hate that phrase, btw), but EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Every day is a new opportunity. Every day you get new lovely little mercies to help you keep going. Those mercies are telling you, "You can do it. You're doing great. Look at you, you beautiful and awesome you! You're doing great. I'm proud of you."

Believe in your new grace every single morning, you guys. Believe in it with all of your guts and grit, because it's totally and completely real. You don't have to be trapped in that cage of blame and sadness and guilt. This guru also said that we need to stop trapping ourselves in the "I can't do this, I can't eat that, I need to work out."

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOURSELF! When you love yourself, you ultimately want to do good for yourself. You want to take care of yourself. I didn't learn that all on my own. I have a lot of people who help me along the way. You have me! I have you. We can do this together.

Be free and believe in new mercies.

Observed // Me 4 (???)

//

Just yesterday, I was at the mall celebrating the completion of my accounting final. Tyler had to be on campus for another three hours, and the Gap was having a grand reopening so naturally, I went and ate cookies and popcorn and avoided people that kept asking me if I needed anything.

"No, I'm just looking and yes...I've been here for three hours, I know."

I bought one thing. I'm really bad at this capsule thing, but don't worry I'm trying and I'm setting new goals. Anyway. While I was looking around just perusing the new arrivals and fast fashion things that would dissolve in your wash, I was also thinking about life and stuff and feelings and how the world spins madly on without you and you just need to catch up or slow down or do whatever makes you feel the best. And I was really thinking about my tendency to avoid all people.

We all do this, we all avoid common places because of the people we might just see.

Whilst in H&M looking at this incredibly beautiful but extremely poorly made necklace (it was already rusting) Poor form, H&M. I saw a few people that I know. One of them was in the checkout line, I felt like calling out to her saying, "Hey Sarah!" but she was totally in the zone. That zone where you've been waiting in the H&M line for over an hour, I exaggerate, and you are just ready to get your adorable striped blouse and go, because H&M is all about the striped blouse and that rusty necklace was just a bad egg out of all the really good ones. The zone that I created for her to justify NOT saying hi to her.

And maybe this is too existential, but I felt a little lonely not calling out to her. I felt a little lost. Why didn't I do it? Why do I separate myself from people that I genuinely like? Why don't I call out more? Why do I go it alone so much?

I saw someone else. A high school friend, Cara. I thought she was a worker at first, but she called out to me.

"Dani!"

"Oh hi, Cara!"

That was a little tender mercy to me. I was so absorbed in clothes and in my own self-reflection and sort of self-pity and anxiety that her calling out to me really meant something.

She had a bunch of boys shirts because she's going to the BYU Jerusalem Center and I felt really happy for her. Really excited, because I've heard great things. And I felt bad for ever thinking bad things about myself.

I often regret how I didn't do study-broads or how i didn't kiss more boys or how I didn't make more friends or how I didn't do that thing at that time with that person or with that opportunity.

But I listened to her talk about how she needs flowy tops and I looked at all of her choices and i thought she looked adorable and then I thanked her inside my head for talking to me, because sometimes you need people to remind you about what you have. You need people to remind you that being open and being happy with your life is okay.

You need people to remind you that it's okay to talk to someone you haven't talked to in a long time.

It's okay to call out. You don't have to shrink away because you don't want to be judged or you don't want to be asked that question or you don't want to feel regret about something that happened so long ago or you don't want to be reminded of what you don't have.

You need people to remind you about what you do have. 

And I know this sounds so incredibly silly, shopping at the mall, thinking about life, but it wasn't silly to me. It was something I needed. I needed to be more willing to be warm and open.

Closed and cold is what i've been doing lately, and I don't want to do it anymore.

Good vibes, only. Because good vibes will follow you. Don't wallow in your stress. Face it head on. Be of good cheer as they say it, because people want you. People think you're great and you should start thinking the same about other people.

Terrific Tuesday // 3 Things You Should Stop Thinking

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And three things you should start thinking.

And how this is mostly written for me and slightly exaggerated.

1 // "Oh man, she has so many followers and she writes so well and she has the coolest clothes and prettiest instagram pictures. She has so many likes, so much more than I do. She must be better than me in every single way. I'm pretty much worthless and my social media life is crap."

What you should start thinking...

"Hey I'm glad I have such beautiful friends and I'm really glad that there is more to life than social media and likes and followers. Not that she's living her life behind a screen, but I'm glad that I'm not doing that. I'm glad I can take pictures and buy clothes and share my life with others, but I'm also glad that I have worth beyond that. One day those pictures will fade and the clothes won't fit and the likes won't matter like you thought they would.

2 // "If I eat this I will bloat like a balloon and turn into a fat lard."

What you should start thinking...

"You know what? Maybe there is a different alternative to this snack, a healthier option. If there isn't make sure not to gorge yourself and to go on a walk because you know how those things make your body feel. Just be good to yourself and don't deprive because you deserve good food and a full belly."

3 // "I wish I was in a different place in my life. I wish I was done with school. I wish I didn't have these hard things to deal with. I wish money grew on trees. I wish I didn't have to do anything. I wish I could stay in bed all day. I wish things were different. I wish more than anything." (I wish to go to the festival.)

What you should start thinking...

"I am grateful for the phase in life I'm in. Tina Fey said in her book that every girl goes through phases. Fat phases, skinny phases, happy phases, sad phases, mad phases, sappy phases, crazy phases, lazy phases, red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish. This phase is leading me to something bigger and better and different so I better live it now. I am grateful for school. I get to learn! I get to expand my mind. I'm grateful for the hard things. They are the worst, but God is not punishing me. This is just mortal life. I am grateful for my job and the money that I do have in my bank account, may I be a good steward. I am grateful for the things I get to do and that I get to be productive and stay busy. I am grateful for the hours of sleep I do get, because there are some people that can't even get out of bed and all they want to do is step outside and feel the sunshine and fresh air. Different is good but routine is a part of life so I'll get with the routine and welcome change when it comes at its own will."

Anything you need to stop saying to yourself? Any words of motivation that get you through the day? Share, please! Let's motivate each other!

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Terrific Tuesday // This is Tyler

This is Tyler. 

He is my very best friend. 

We've been best friends for a year and a few months now. 

He loves basketball, In-N-Out burger, video games, pretzels, the Lakers, fantasy football, volleyball, sour candy (kids, ropes, and rips preferred), books, Lord of the Rings, movies, Vampire weekend, writing and family. 

As for things he doesn't like, well there aren't very many things he doesn't like. 

He doesn't like it when I look at Instagram (or any social media for that matter. Social media is not his thing.) And he doesn't like shopping, but I can handle that. 

Oh and one more thing...he doesn't like it when people take gushy pictures. So no kissing pictures from us. 

Thankfully enough, he loves me. He probably should because we're married. 

We've been married for a year now. On December 28th to be exact. 

I'm really happy to be married to this guy for eternity. For anyone that doesn't know much about Mormons, we believe in marriage for ETERNITY. That's a really long time for some people. For me, that sounds just right. 

I want to be married to him for eternity. 

Don't you want your best friend for eternity? 

I sure do. 

I also sure did want to post pictures of my wedding on this blog post, but I can't find the CDs with all of our pictures on them. Please say a prayer in your heart that I find them or I'll be very upset about it. 

Please bless that I didn't throw them away in some weird clean-up fest. Amen.

Side note that's not really important: My computer crashed three, yes THREE times in 2014 without me having a substantial backup. So no Ty photos on this computer anymore. What you get is what you get. 

Anyway. So yeah. We're married. For over a year. A year and two days. So I thought maybe I would share a thing or two about Tyler that makes me love him so darn much. 

Or I don't know...maybe I'll just blubber about him. Either way, this post is about my best friend named Tyler who I'm married to for eternity. Because who wouldn't want that? 

First things first, everyone needs a Tyler. And pizza. Everyone needs a Tyler and a slice of pizza. That's the key to a beautiful and effervescently happy life, right there. 

Tyler's are kind, patient, and funny. They make you laugh at least five billion times a day. 

My Tyler does anyway. 

My Tyler will praise your cooking. Every single thing you make will be "RQ" or Restaurant Quality. After he's finished eating, he'll clean up all the dishes too. 

My Tyler needs to go on walk and talks. So you'll always be able to tell him your feelings and get exercise while you do it. 

He tells you you're beautiful every day and he so means it. 

My Tyler doesn't care that I have a particular interest towards grey sweaters. He supports that fetish. 

He will sing you songs and play games with you and most importantly eat treats with you. 

When he sings those songs he'll sing the songs wrong and then make excuses for it. 

Sometimes he'll get really close to your face and rest his forehead on yours and say, "I'm resting here. You're giving me strength." All while rubbing your really tired neck. 

He'll tell you when you finally get to bed and snuggle up in the covers that "This is my favorite time of day, the time where I get to be with you, in bed, all cozy, playing games on my phone and hearing you snore a little. I love this time of day the most because I get to watch you sleep so peacefully. 

Trust me not creepy. Totally dreamy. 

I could name a hundred things about my Tyler, but I'll just end with this.

My Tyler is a loving person. His love is as deep as the sea and as lovely as the sea breeze that makes the waves. He is cheerful in times of trouble. He does not raise his voice or get filled with anger. He teaches me so many things about love and life and God. He brings me closer to Him. He is a good person through and through. He is joyful and wonderful and perfect in every way...even when he is human. I love my Tyler and I wouldn't have him any other way.

So here's to eternity my sweet best friend. As cliche as that sounds. Here's to eternity. 

Never change. H.A.G.S. U.R. a QT. Kewl. Call me. (just kidding change when you need to, but make sure i'm on board with the change first) 

Glad we had this talk. 

NOW here's another picture. (double chins and all) 

WA-BLAM! 

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Terrific Tuesday // Back to Basics

p h o t o 

You should all be smiling. Smile, because there are so many reasons to. Today, on this very fine Tuesday, I am bringing us back to the basics. A basic list of things that have been making me incandescently happy lately. (Not including Tyler because he always makes me happy and I don't want people's panties getting in bunches over me not mentioning him. Come on, people!)

So here it is...

A list of things that are making Dani real darn happy lately...

1. Working out. I know, I'm sorry I had to say it. I have had my fair share of body image issues lately. You probably know this if you follow my instagram or if you actually read my posts, but yeah. Insecurities, they are real things. But my mom, my precious mom sent me this article a while back, and it really has inspired me. Her method works, my friends. I am trying it and I already feel like myself again. Sometimes you just need that encouraging and healthy push. Read this, this, and this for extra. (Not to be one of those people, but I am actually currently writing this right after doing her "at home" workout and I feel like death. I look like it too, but I feeeeel gooood.) Okay I'm done. I promise it will only come up again subtly next time.

2. My Freshman roomie and her husband are moving into our complex! YES!

3. Human Nature by Michael Jackson

4. My Dreaming of Honeysuckle Northbound Candle. I always get compliments on it. People always want to know what's burning. Always. But not in that icky burnt food kind of way.  Talor, you have brought beautiful scents into our home. Thank you!

5. The Gap. Holy cow, forget J.Crew I am all about The Gap right now. And that's perfectly fine by me. Don't get me wrong, I love J.Crew but that stuff is expensive and if I want my fashion fix, I am only allowed my allotted budget. Plus, The Gap reminds me of a cheaper and probably lesser quality Madewell...again though, fine by me. The more money I save, the better.

6. Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran 

7. One of my supervisors compared me to a breezy ocean today. My heart swelled.

8. Pizza and Sleepless in Seattle. Tom Hanks reminds me of Tyler. Meg Ryan peeling the apple. And pizza. Yes. So happy.

+ h a p p y // t u e s d a y

& 

+ s t a y // g o l d

Terrific Tuesday // Peaches

p h o t o

Well, ain't that the truth? 

Carry on beautiful peaches. You got this. 

I love peaches. 

+ h a p p y // t u e s d a y 

& 

+ s t a y // g o l d

Observed // Me, again...

p h o t o 

I'm observing myself again. And my feelings. And my thoughts. And my beliefs. I observe those a lot. And when I say observe, I mean reflect. That's what I'm doing, but I like making things sound deeper and more hipster and artsy because that's the way I roll. So observed is the word. 

Well, it's me again. Back for another blogpost. Back for another musing on a Monday. Wearing a t-shirt dress I got from the Gap for $11.20. Because I really like a good deal. I like them so much that I buy so many deals that it pretty much defeats the purpose of deals in the first place. 

And the thing is, I'm pretty grateful that Tyler tolerates me so much, because I really bug myself a lot. I get annoyed with how my mind works sometimes. I am annoyed with my anxieties and the feelings I have. And I realize that I'm not loving myself enough and so I have to observe myself. I just do. I have to take a break from the pretzel bite recipe I'm trying, and I need to observe myself, because it teaches me to love myself more. It teaches me to see what Tyler sees. It teaches me patience. 

And so I observe....reflect, really. 

So things I've observed about myself. 

My style preferences have evolved. I have always really liked laid-back styles. Granted, in the past I forced myself to wear certain pieces to fit in, but now I think I've got it. Honestly, I could use some more business appropriate pieces in my closet. I need to dress a little more professionally, but right now I am really happy with how my closet looks. I look at it and I think, yep I could pick anything in here and be happy about wearing it. Though, I should really invest in a well tailored pencil skirt and white blouse. That would be a grand idea. Mom, are you interested in making both of those things for me? 

So if you see me in a lot of stripes, oversized shirts with pockets, and t-shirt dresses just know that it makes me happy and comfortable and to me that is quite enough. And I don't really want to worry about pant suits right now. 

I love cooking. I looooooooove it. All types of cooking. I love trying new recipes. I love eating the food. I love watching it all form into something. 

I am still addicted to instagram, but the likes and comments don't matter as much. That's a relief. 

I may like certain bloggers and certain people and I may be tolerant of things and I may have a more open mind towards things, but that doesn't mean that I hate the church I belong to. I know it is true and I have my standards and I have my testimony and I believe the doctrines. I believe that I am equal among the men of my institution. One of my favorite bloggers is going through a spiritual journey and I started really getting bent out of shape about it, but then I decided that it's her life, not mine, and I can't change her ways, but I can change mine and I can become a better disciple and daughter of God, because that's who I want to be. God is love and God is good. He is no respecter of persons, but he loves with an infinite love and I know that through the Atonement, I can do all. I can overcome fears and doubts that I have. I know it, because I have experienced it. 

Slowly but surely, I have started to love my body again. 

Slowly but surely, I am getting the hang of this kinder thing. I am getting to know people around me and I am making new friends and trying to patch up relationships with old ones and it is working out. 

Every day I learn something new. Every day I shed some tear about some silly thing, but I learn more about life and love and happiness and peace.

And every day I'm grateful for all these experiences because it's what this grand plan is all about. 

Boy, I am so grateful. 

Terrific Tuesday // Yes, you can.

1 //  I am trying to gain wisdom. 

2 // This is how I want my life to be. I want it to be simple but significant and that is important to me. 

3 // I need Newport Beach right now. I need it so much right now. 

4 // Yes, you can. You really can. Don't ever say that you can't. 

5 // Good energy. That's what we need. 

+ s t a y // g o l d

p.s. sorry if my words aren't sounding inspired. i'm feeling under the weather. 

This is very important.

1 //  It's true. And boy, do I love those days. This week hasn't been bad at all though. The rain is great. The food is great. The sun is great. The clothes have been great. The people, too. The week hasn't been so bad, but the weekend is kind of the best. That's why God made it so.

2 // Yes. Give a ton.

3 //  The world would be a better place if girls wished this for one another. Heaven knows, I would appreciate this.

+ h a p p y // t u e s d a y 

& 

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Terrific Tuesday // We are made of...

p h o t o 

Well isn't that a beautiful thought?

Monday Musing // Be You

p h o t o 

First, thank you for the love and support and kindness that you showed me since last post. I have the most beautiful readers and friends.

One of those friends I was talking with and we were talking about even though we struggle and have insecurities and "those days", we have both found that as we have grown older we have become who we really are. We have really discovered ourselves and we have become more like ourselves. The way we were supposed to be.

It made me think about when you were high school and your friends told you "You've changed" and you would always deny it. Well why did we deny it? So we could fit in. So we wouldn't feel like outcasts.

Well now, if anyone tells me that I've changed...I'll answer with a resounding yes.

YES, I have changed. Thank you for noticing. I have learned to be myself. I have learned who I really am. What makes me happy. What makes me cry. What makes me sad. What makes me laugh. What brings peace to my soul. How my soul is. Where my heart is. What my interests are. Where my times goes. I know those things now, and I keep learning about them. SO THANK YOU. Thank you for noticing that I've changed, because change means growth and change means learning. And heaven knows that I want to learn and grow. So don't be afraid to be you my friends.

Heck yes, be you.

Be you all the way.

+ s t a y // g o l d

the secret

p h o t o // t u m b l r

Inspired // Hats, mostly

Okay...so yes I only have time to post one of these, but I need to because I need inspiration and I need  something to take my mind off of this last week of H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. 

1 // Take me to the beach. I need it in my life. The salt in the air, the sand in between my toes, the humidity blessing my hair. I need it. And I need this outfit. 

2 // Her beauty mark! Her hat! The sweater! The fact that she is on a train! Be still my heart! 

3 // This is darling. Like the cutest. Denim and eyelet!? That is gonna be a big trend, people. The biggest. Okay maybe not, but you know what I mean. 

4 // She is the epitome of luxurious ease. 

5 // In her eyes, I see my future kin. Is that creepy? Not at all. She speaks sweet beauty and peace and innocence to my soul. 

6 // *Instantly refreshed* 

7 // A the golden pup. The most perfect thing on this Earth. 

Terrific Tuesday // Sweet Motivation

Here are some pretty words to get you through the week. 

1 // Do as Queen E (Ellen) does. Dance it out. 

2 // Have time for life. Stop rushing. 

3 // Yep. That's all. 

4 // Rejoice!

5 // Yes, you are. Don't you ever forget it!

6 // Amen, Drew Barrymore, amen. Let's choose to be happy. Let's choose to be pretty. 

7 // When you feel down on yourself just remember that you are actually killing it. Yeah, you pretty much rock at life. 

8 // Thomas Edison has a point you know. Never give up. 

9 // When Abraham Lincoln tells you to make up your mind, you better make up your mind! 

10 // Another swear...but I'm not even sorry, because why the hell not? 

+ s t a y // h a p p y 

&

+ s t a y // g o l d 

Instead of a playlist, I thought I would make this a gratitude post. It needed to happen. But here's my favorite song in the entire world that you can listen to. 

So this morning didn't work out as planned. My old account got over drafted because 3 checks that I had written months ago were just barely deposited. Yeah, so $70 worth of checks were just withdrawn and I over drafted. That's the worst. Also...I didn't get breakfast this morning BUT...

Tomorrow is pay day...so I won't get in trouble for the over draft and I will have 300 dollars in my account. AND then, I get to transfer that money to mine and Tyler's account so we will have lots of money there. That's a blessing and relief. Pay your tithing, blessings will follow. Also...if someone writes you a check DEPOSIT IT RIGHT AWAY! RIGHT AWAY! Do as the Mormons do, deposit the tithing check like four days after you get it. That's the polite and right thing to do. 

Tyler risked getting in trouble for leaving his post and brought me TWO bagels and a vitamin water this morning! Yes, he's a dreamboat. MY dreamboat. 

Tyler actually wanted to go get ice cream! He did. And we got sub zero yesterday. That's his favorite. I was so happy. 

Friday Night Lights was in the repertoire yesterday. 

My brother's got their jobs they have wanted for a long time! 

$70 gift card to Target. 

Valentine's Day is coming! 

A three day weekend is coming up. 

Someone saw the business card that I was racking my brain over designing yesterday and they said they really liked it. I almost cried. 

There are so many other things that I am grateful for. Countless things. 

Never stop expressing what you are grateful for. 

I won't stop. If you won't. Let's be thankful together! 

Stay gold. 

On navy blue nails and chocolate fudge cupcakes...

Yesterday was a nervous break down day. It just was. I wish there was a way to describe it fully, but mostly it consists of feeling overweight, pulling out hair, heavy breathing, tears, and a brief moment of lethargy where you can't get off the couch because the food network is way more important than doing the dishes. I don't use the term nervous breakdown like an adjective. It's a noun, a verb, all of these above. I know them well. Well I used to know them really well. Back in high school. Went through one at least 3 times a week...but college changed a few things and now it's a big surprise when they happen and it's less than fun. In those break downs all of my insecurities that I have buried away show their faces. My anxieties and worries come out like an eel in murky water. It's paralyzing.

Unfortunately, in those moments I lose my morale and I lose my calm. My stress sky rockets and my palms sweat and I overeat. I do. Ramen Noodles, BBQ Meatballs, four chocolate fudge cupcakes. And then I feel guilty. And then that guilt paralyzes me and I sit on the couch watching food channel and painting my nails dark navy blue frantically because I have bitten them as far as they can go. When I should be doing homework, but when I reach this point I usually have a moment where my mind clears. And it's that thing us Mormons call a tender mercy. The tender mercy is sweet relief. It happens. I remember that everything is okay.

Normally, I wouldn't go through this part alone. Tyler is usually there to soothe my aching soul. He is there with his long, safe arms to stroke my hair, kiss my cheek, and wipe my eyes. Yesterday though, I was by myself in the house. Tyler came home and I looked up at him all weepy on the couch and the soothing and love commenced and everything felt better. Just sitting there on the couch with him talking about happy moments and blessings we have.

We both realized something...everyone has a struggle in their life. One time or another, we struggle. That is life. But life has a lot of incredibly beautiful moments. I see them every day. I saw them on that particularly hard day and I see them now. I hope you can see them, my friends. Life is beautiful may we never forget it.

Happy Tuesday. Stay gold.

Let me tell you something about the first month of marriage. 

You experiment a lot with new recipes and if you're obsessive like me...none of them turn out like you want them too. But if you are a hungry boy like Tyler they are all like eating Costa Vida and Marie Calendar's every day. 

You learn a lot about the birds and bees. And it's fun. And different. And awesome. 

You write a lot of thank you cards and you make a goal that you will have them out before the 1st month is over.

You learn to sleep again. 

You don't sleep at all. 

You laugh a lot. 

You cry some. 

You hug and cuddle and it's rad. 

You buy  A LOT of things you didn't get on your registry. 

You spend a lot on groceries. 

You make a budget, fail, make it again, and get it right. 

You worry about money and the future. 

You remind yourself that everyone goes through this and it's going to be okay. 

You fall in love every day. 

You remember all the advice everyone gave you and you feel bad for not living all of it, but then you remember that you are trying the best you can and you resolve to try again tomorrow. 

You look at wedding photos and Oooh and Ahhh over how dreamy the day was.

You get annoyed with engaged couples who post their gushy love pictures all over instagram and Facebook...but you remember that you were the same way. 

You fall in love with your wedding all over again. 

You dream of California during class, during lunch, during dinner, during work, during every moment you are awake.

You sometimes get discouraged because of people and their expectations of you. 

But you move on. And you remember what's important. 

And it's all good. It's lovely. It's happy. It's fun. It's an adventure.

And it's all worth it.