Terrific Tuesday: Off to Find Myself

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I have felt very lost lately, and I don't say that trying to be dramatic. I have felt very stuck. I don't feel happy or sad. I don't care but then I do care. I feel completely restless and then I feel fine where I am. I care too much about what people think and I try to hard to be everything I can't be. I try to do my best...I don't do my best. I am stuck and lost in my journey.

Well, I don't want to be lost anymore. I want to find my way and find my way in the journey. I want to discover what I really want to do. I know I said that I want to teach, but is it really REALLY what I want to do? Do I really have to live up to be the "perfect university student?" I don't need to be perfect and I need to live for myself. I need to live for my Father in Heaven. I feel like I've gotten lost in the eyes of others...and not in some romantic, soul-searching way. In a way that is really painful and hurtful.

Well I'm not going to be that way anymore. I am going to find God and I'm going to find myself. So although this post seems a bit melancholy, it really is supposed to be happy, because I'm going on my journey of self discovery. It will require a lot of work, and I won't get it right the first time, but I know I will get it right some time. Maybe I have to be by myself for a while. Maybe I need to go home and get a homecooked meal. Maybe I will have to pray always...always, but like my friend Talor says, God is awake and God is love. I must find Him. And in Him I'll find myself.

So here starts my journey.
Wish me luck.
Stay golden.

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