This life I live.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I had a lovely experience today and despite my droopy/sticky eyes I want to share it with all of you. With my job, I have the opportunity to be a mentor and have a mentor myself. We got on the subject of time and making the most of the time we are given on this earth and suddenly I was telling her about a trial I've been facing lately. I have found myself not appreciating the time the Lord above has given me. I suppose I haven't been very grateful for my life. It's like I've been looking up at the sky and saying, "Really, this is the plan you have for you have anything else?" And talking to her right then and there I felt this sudden desire to get out of this terrible, jealous, bitter rut. This rut that has been sweetened by the most beautiful and compassionate boyfriend a girl could have. A rut that shouldn't be rut at all because of a fulfilling job. A loving family. A safe and happy home/apartment. A rut with friends, the loveliest of friends. A rut where once I'm out of it, Tyler and I can have a sweeter life, I can serve my students better, I can appreciate my family more, I can feel peace where I live, I can be a better, truer than true friend. Talking to my mentor I realized just how much this rut has held me back. How it has paralyzed me. How I have been asking God for a different plan. How selfish. How could I do such a thing? How could I use my time so terribly? So with Monica today, I decided I would use my time in the most beautiful way. To find God, to humble myself and know what Heavenly Father, if you need to take this away from me or withhold this from me because there is something better for me, then please...PLEASE take it. Take it and I will wait patiently and I will hold on to the beautiful things that you have already given me. I will make the most of this life that I have. I will. I will let go of those toxic things eating me away, because when I really look at it...I don't want that life. I don't want the life I'm so jealous of. The life I'm so bitter about. The life I think I want. I really don't. So thank you Monica, thank you family, thank you Ty, thank you friends, thank you God. Thank you for this life that I live. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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